Saturday, August 2, 2008

Camel Straws I Have Known And Loved

The Death Of A Perfectly Good Paranormal/Speculation Site With A Rotten Dog Carcass

It used to be I would spend my days at the call center mentally composing responses to some amateur sleuth holding forth on who Carl Allende REALLY was. Or maybe while my ears were engaged about billing cycles, my mind would be closer to sunspot cycles, and just how that can affect the throughput, so to speak, of the transmitting phallus when said possessor is in the gateway chair. But now the call center remains, and I don't even care to correct the occasional reference to it being 'just a John Carpenter film, and one of the particularly bad ones'.
That's how much this sensationalism masked as respectable cryptozoology galls me. And to bring it over HERE, to this forum, where so much of the truth about Montauk Point, its past, present, and on-going future, has been DISSEMINATED...well, goddammit it breaks my heart a little. I guess some people don't care about wonder, about the deeper questions. You see a beak on a dog and all the sudden the U.S.S. Eldridge never existed. Well YEAH it never existed, not in THIS universe! Try having your eagle-turtle-pitbull explain THAT! WE'VE been trying too, me and eviLdRED008, and a few others. We few. We faithful few. Candles in a cosmic void.
Well, dRED, I can't speak for you, but this is where this truthseeker gets off.

keep searching for the truth, me, I must do it elsewhere and alone it seems...
-W.G. Wentworth of the Holmic Institutes of Mid-Inner Sciences (1st shift supervisor at Big Lots)


Elements Of The Periodic Table I Couldn't Come Up With In 15 Minutes Fire Back


Potassium: Jesus, man. Eat a fucking banana every now and then. No wonder you've never heard of me, what with your bowels.

Aluminum: Oh, you can come up with titanium, iridium, all the olympic metals, and those snazzy transuranics that go boom, but you can't come up with me, the can in your hand?

Sulfur: I remember a time, boy, when you believed in hell. You can at least believe in insurance and politics.

Iodine: I guess I shouldn't feel so bad, you've always been a bacitracin type and never spent much time around microscopes...still, when it came to disinfecting, I used to run that game...

Phosphorus: Dude, I go boom too. What am I, chopped plant matter?

Cesium: STEP TO ME. You go ahead with your tritium, plutonium, cobalt, uranium...I'm still here, bitch. Forget about me at your peril.

Francium & Germanium: Guessing, we think, could have come up with us. The state of California got its own as you indeed recalled, did you not?

Osmium: For a guy who said he used to read Marvel Universe "just for the armor suits", you sure don't recall large wodges of time on your floor in the 5th-10th grade.

Dysprosium: Hi. We've never met formally. I aint mad atcha...I am indeed the least known metal to this quiz. Look, I don't want to brag, but I'm kind of cool stuff...I mean, you remembered a lot of the gases because of chemical lasers, and all the hot metals because of reactors and bombs, right? Ok, I'm used in lasers AND reactors. I'm silvery-ish, don't occur as a free element, and can be cut with bolt cutters.

Friday, July 11, 2008

rocking mineral machines

The future is here, Amanda Pays just hasn't been equally multiplexed and distributed yet. Seriously, if there is anything 80s SF moving pictures told me, it was that I could expect Amanda Pays in the future, and that we two, together, would ride underwater.

Amanda Pays. Married to Corbin Bernsen (unfortunately). In 80s SF if you wanted a slightly, subtly hot Englishwoman with a mastery of the emotional scale ranging from mildly amused schoolmarmish disbelief of some stupid remark

to a Stanislavskian in-the-moment reaction of professional surprise in the workplace

to full-blown righteous indignation at such callous floutings of the laws of nature

then Amanda was your womanda for the job. Those 80s movies knew their place, they were chiseled into the bedrock of the revolution of lowering expectations in such a blandly generic way...sigh, you just can't get deculturalization like that these days. It's far too personally marketed and specific. I digress. The Amanda Pays Future wasn't like movies today where the future is say, Angelina Jolie or Monica Bellucci and then you think 'yeah right. I'm still in the Matrix.'

And not only does she have her own body of work, but she also made possible such technologies as Claire Forlani, and on this side of the drink, Zooey Deschanel. What I'm saying is she's got everyday archetypal appeal. (because we all have perfectly slightly better than average looking Englishwomen living next door? what?) Is there a sexy British schoolteacher she couldn't play?
(pic taken by )

Geeks named a video codec for her. That's serious love, and proves my point: we as a people have a reasonable expectation that there be more Amanda Pays In The Future. And trust me, we NEED Amanda Pays in the end-of-history/afterfuture/TAZ/slow-burn Soylency. If you ended up a spastic simulated consciousness, Amanda Pays can be close by on a keyboard the size of a carrier battle group.



If you end up the Flash, those dewy orbs can soften even the tackiest 'how I got my powers' scene.



Even if you run to the depths of the ocean floor, there Amanda Pays can find you (and leviathan). But who'd run?