Monday, October 29, 2007

open your memory hole

possibly the finest writing I've ever seen in Wikipedia. From the section on the alleged movie Road House:

Dalton is cut in a scrape with Wesley's henchman and visits the local hospital for staples to his wound. The doctor offers a local anesthetic, but when Dalton refuses, she asks "Do you enjoy pain ?". Dalton, in a moment showcasing his philosophical tendencies, proclaims: "Pain don't hurt", which later on is in conflict with his actions after getting beat up, he winces in pain which apparently DOES hurt.

...in fact, the whole thing is THAT good. It needs archival past the hobgoblins of little minds taking smaller things bigly on Wikipedia (read: "editing", although this is the bible, so hands off). It also needs pictures. So without further ado, and before they can delete their copy, the Wikipedia entry for the movie Road House, illustrated. Again, I did not write this, I just felt like it was too good to last, so I saved it and picked a few pictures.

Based on a true story, Swayze plays Dalton, a professional "cooler" with a mysterious past, a degree in philosophy from New York University, and a specialization in cleaning up rough establishments.




Lured away from his current job to work at the Double Deuce in Jasper, Missouri, Dalton quickly makes an enemy of local kingpin Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara), who has made his fortune extorting the townsfolk and monopolizing the liquor trade.



Dalton also hooks up with his old friend, house musician Cody (singer/guitarist Jeff Healey),



who fills him in on the sorry state of the establishment and warns the rest of the staff that Dalton will "seal their fate" if they get out of line. Dalton quickly asserts himself in his new role by kicking ass and initiating a turn around of the Double Deuce from a fight and drug haven to an acceptable establishment. After showcasing his penchant for putting beat downs on drunk party-goers, Cody declares: "The name...is...Dalton!", thus signifying his official arrival.



First Dalton dismisses Wesley's cronies from the Double Deuce. Dalton then begins to clean up the bar from the inside out. After renovation work, a new Double Deuce opens, without the usual roadhouse chicken wire across the stage. Business vastly improves. Gone are the dirty rough housers that frequented the establishment in its previous incantation; replaced by a more upscale clientele.



Meanwhile, Wesley recruits his most prized thug, "Jimmy" (Marshall R. Teague), a murderous ex-con, to smash monster trucks into buildings and terrorize the citizenry. Jimmy displays the type of skill no one else possesses for the eventual clash with the equally hot Dalton.



During another destructive fight at the Double Deuce, Wesley's girlfriend "Denise" climbs on stage and performs a striptease. Dalton calmly escorts her off stage back to Wesley and proclaims: "If you're gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash."



Wesley allows Jimmy to "have his way" with the Double Deuce bouncers but the ensuing brawl is promptly interrupted by Wesley who wishes to put an end to the violence, even though he has been the root cause of it. The people now begin to look to Dalton to liberate them from Wesley's clutches.



Dalton is cut in a scrape with Wesley's henchman and visits the local hospital for staples to his wound. The doctor offers a local anesthetic, but when Dalton refuses, she asks "Do you enjoy pain ?". Dalton, in a moment showcasing his philosophical tendencies, proclaims: "Pain don't hurt", which later on is in conflict with his actions after getting beat up, he winces in pain which apparently DOES hurt. The doctor and Dalton strike up a friendship which leads to two of them dating. The local physician, Elizabeth Clay (Kelly Lynch), called "Doc" is Wesley's ex-girlfriend. She and Dalton are seen together around town.



Wesley calls Dalton to his bungalow to talk truce. When Dalton arrives he notices Denise has bruises over her body which she attempts to cover up but fails to do. Wesley, recognizing Dalton's skill and flair, offers Dalton a chance to come work for him. Dalton refuses to take sides with the despised Wesley. In return, Wesley blows up the local auto-parts store owned by Clay's uncle (Red, because he has red hair) (Red West) who has befriended Dalton as a signal to those who would betray him and because Dalton is unavoidably attractive.



Dalton's mentor Wade Garrett (Sam Elliott) arrives in town. Wade is an aging cooler who, though not as hot as Dalton, taught Dalton everything he knows, although his glory days are now long behind him. Dalton introduces Wade to his the woman he is currently sleeping with: "Doc" Clay. After a night of carousing, Wade and Doc dance together in a diner. Doc goes to work to treat patients after being up all night, drinking. Wade interrupts a shipment of liquor Dalton gets without using Wesley's operation. Wesley's goons fight Dalton and Wade to a draw, but then Wesley dispatches Jimmy to blow up the farmhouse where Dalton is staying.



During this time, Wade tries to convince Dalton to leave town and leave the town's troubles (as well as his girlfriend Doc) behind. Dalton, determined, argues with Wade about the right thing to do. Their passion built up; they nearly rain blows on each other. Wade stops one of Dalton's blows with his fist. Their eyes meet and Wade declares: "We don't want to do this!" This would be the last time they would ever enjoy each other's musk as Dalton decides to bring Wesley to his knees, but he still has to deal with Jimmy.



During the ensuing melee, Jimmy declares his love/hatred for Dalton by declaring "I used to fuck guys like you in prison". Dalton reacts, in a fit of passionate rage, by ripping Jimmy's throat out. He sets him adrift face down, sans throat, in the pond that separates Dalton's and Wesley's domiciles. Wesley's last henchman is now dead. In revenge, Wesley beats up his defenseless girlfriend and then declares that he will kidnap and murder either Wade or Elizabeth if Dalton doesn't leave town. He flips a coin to decide who will be murdered (Heads=Doc, Tails=Wade). Dalton finds Wade dead at the Double Deuce (it was tails). He then rushes to confront Wesley in a final showdown.



Rigging his car to crash into Wesley's house as a distraction, Dalton sneaks into Wesley's compound and proceeds to take out each of his thugs one at a time. Dalton finds Wesley hiding in the trophy room, and the two fight until Dalton pins Wesley with his knees on each shoulder. Starting down at Wesley, Dalton, hurting from a wound, threatens to rip Wesley's throat out. But Dalton takes pity on him and sees the error of his own violent ways; he turns his back, giving Wesley the opportunity to attack again.



Doc shows up just in time to watch as the townsfolk Wesley has bullied over the years come to Dalton's defense, repeatedly shooting Wesley with their shotguns. The police show up and immediately question the townsfolk. The townsfolk brazenly deceive the police by hiding any knowledge of the cause of Wesley's death, despite the fact that they were only ones present. The police, completely fooled by the cagey townsfolk, make little effort to investigate the matter. The town is finally freed from Wesley's tyranny.